a short-time visitor...

everywhere i was like that, an ephemeral ...i won't be there in anyone's mind forever...i want my life also to be in the same way...a visitant to this world, who evanesce from this short space when life becomes a boredom to me...all seem to be like shadows now, dont know which one is real...or is it mystical, which i cannot comprehend, due to the lack of experience and wisdom, and may be due to the darkness around my seat of reasoning...
At this stint, i know only one thing...this life is worthless...nothing to be achieved...experiences lead you, but ultimately to the graveyard...so, why making it late? why can't we go one day earlier...for every other matter, humans are rushing..but when it comes to the "permanent end of life", everyone takes a hault and step back...nobody wants to walk into the valley of death...i still can't understand "why?"...u may ask me :"then why you are putting hold onto your death?"...i dont have an answer for that...all i know is that my mind is now void of thoughts...dont know whether to live, or to get contented with the thoughts i have for death...one day it will come to take me away from the sting of my mental distress...death, you are my only hope now...

Friendship - i may even die for a true one...

Here ...now at this this point of life, and at this nook of the world when all the world had slept behind me...i ponder over the friendships that i had...some did really hate me (still that hatred continues..) and some did really like me (and that likeness continues)..there are friendships which i had lost on my way...but all friends whom i liked a lot, i still keep them close to my bosom... Today when i recollect those friendships which i am so naustalgic about i contemplate on the friendships that i lose due to my ego or foolish acts...i tried to avoid ego trips in my life...but dont know, whether it is there in my genes, i will crack over anything and everything...hit on a hard rock which i know for sure that won't break..even then i bark like a small dog to get all the angriness from everyone who watch me like a bull dog..I have a feeling that when I am close to one , he should also respond in the same way…may be my possessiveness, my ego..which resulted in losing a few who were so dear to me...now, i am not even a thought in their minds...which results in me, a vacant mood...still calculating and thinking over & over on how i should have made those relationships to a healthier one, which at this point is of no use..
telling about all those cracked and broken, i forgot to tell about the good ones that i accummulated over these years ... even at this point of my life, i try to be a good one to whom i am attached to...there are quite a few... but i dont know whether they still have the same sense of friendship to me..some are big daddies and happy husbands now...

for over all these years, i havent had such a one as my kukkoo...and i may even die for her...though ain't sure whether she is my friend or someone else...!!!

i wanna ride my KH still...

I want to ride my scooter on a rainy day..with all the drops falling on my face...my eyes can't open...i can't hear the sound of another rival...the cold-dreaded chill makes a cutaneous sensation when it passes over me...that brings the moments of happiness on my face...i am going at 90km/hr in a 98 cc one...it seems that i move like a spasm, the control is totally involuntary..but not true always, i have full control over the move...,and to every ride that i make...it goes on and on..i wont stop, and i wont start intermittently...i always worried over the fuel costs..my pockets were empty...i wandered like a vagabond...how many times i came across this situation - pushing my scooter across all the ways to a gas station!!! i was tired ...and even then, i tried to repeat what i did. i can't change...my mindset...the chidish acts that i did...i feel like i am still in the academia...havent grown up from my teens...i cannot lead a life which suits a family man...let me live, with my adolescent ideologies!!!

Daily Life

Daily life is now nothing more than a battle to fight for my future...in everytime, it was like that..nobody lives for today....i am not unlike anyother one...when will this mindset gets a change? All i can tell is the agonies i faced today, for tomorrow..what happens tomorrow? even with basic amenities assured for all our future days, we are all trying to improve our living conditions better day after day, and we know the result is global warming, sulphur rain, depletion in ozone layer, environmental pollution, imbalance in ecosystem, so on and on..Man improves by making himself to live in a dangerous tomorrow..

" Concentrate on daily life " - will reduce half of the environment problems..You may have theories, examples, and proven things to make me down...what i wrote is my own opinion, though i never practise it..

Shadows...what they portray???

She left so soon..but her shadow prevails..
Shadows..come in ...to fill my days with happiness
i assume her in those drawings of the heavenly bodies..
they created you for my vacant moods..
to fill my thoughts with your face..

Sometimes as i look at you, your shadow grows ..
the sun sets that time...to create a personal space..
but u vanish along with the sun..to untune me..,
from all my comforts and composures...

all in a moment, i become upset..
but those facts of rising sun and setting sun..
again brings happiness to my mind..
for me, Shadows portay you, my love!!!

have i done anything that i loved to do??? from the days that i can remember, i started doing things as per others' wish...(they may say that i reached a safe position in mylife owing to that)...started learning alphabets, numbers, theories, derivations, circuits...assignments and exams...projects and trainings...the saga continues...till now, i havent done anything which ails my mental stress..the stress that came up as a repercussion of those things which i enlisted before...all that i loved was her..and she ended up with someone...
all are bringing tears into my mind.. the loss of my childhood...my adolescence...my love... the advent of a new era, where machines controlling the mind of humans..everyone has only one motiff..to make more and more money..accumulate as much as he can before he goes off to kiss the mother earth...all are shams...neither a one can be trusted to the core, for you may not know when he stabs you from behind..i may be belying with my personality...see, i am also a human who want others to agree with what i think, or what i represent..i am not a true(not even to the margin) representation of what i am..i am also feigning, for what others like to hear from me..i am not loving anyone today, since all that i loved cannot be possessed anymore...and nothing is there to achieve for myself... but i have to pretend, else i may turn insane to others...!!!

Days are flying by ..without any thoughts..any dreams...too mechanical life seems to be now...now happy that, some time ago i spent somedays somewhere for the love i had...and today also, all i love are those moments which i spent for that...where nothing, but love was only there in my mind....!!!

 

pondering over the meaninglessness and brevity of life

what am i ? was a drop of semen, years ago..before that..i dont remember...its going to be 30 years now...how long i lived..only for 30..where i was before? i wonder over these little things..did i struggle, raced, fought with my brother and sister sperms,to evolve into the form that i am now...where did they all go? did they die? dubious am i..am i existing, or is this a dream? who decided for this life? When did i know that i am existing? when did i start learning that i am also a human...over the course of childhood, i didnt have the time to think about this..i had lotta other things to do at that time...i was full of energy...now, reached a point where i am of no use..a stalemate..Life is a cul-de-sac, a blind alley..i cant go back to any of the stages which i passed over these years..there is inertia for me to go with the time , but time doesnt have that..
somebody said that time is a healer, a great doctor...but, an era passed by..still those wounds are not healed...i dont have any wounds though, i am already dead...brain already and now mind too..
those who failed to know me, will tell i am playing posum..nope, i am dead...i am no different than that single drop of semen from where i shaped out..have not much difference now, other than in shape...Amen!!!